The phrase “Know Thyself” is engraved on the Sanctuary of Delphi and it is a phrase that Socrates used often;  it means, “get to know yourself.” The aim of the journey to self-awareness is an improved relationship with yourself as well as with the people you relate to. Knowledge of self is a particularly solitary journey and it calls for certain skills which I will reference briefly.

An increase in self-awareness leads to an increase in self-respect and self-confidence. Because of that, we can enjoy inner calm, spiritual and mental peace, and happiness. It is a long -lasting process that demands patience and persistence and it helps us discover the reason for our existence and the meaning of life.

Self-awareness is the knowledge of our conscience, the tireless exploration of our self, the refusal to give in to the deception of appearances and the discovery of the essence of virtue.

Socrates used to say that people believe two things in their ignorance: 1) They are certain about everything they know, even about themselves; 2) They know well how the world is and how life itself is.

For someone to get to know his real self and the way in which the world exists, one must cease to be certain or convinced about the things one knows. Only by relinquishing these two forms of ignorance can one enter into inner examination and travel the road to knowing the self and its strengths and capabilities. Socrates used to say that truth and virtue are identical. Virtue is following nature and its laws. In his modesty, he used to say, “I know one thing: that I know nothing.”

There are three types of people in the world:

1. 1. Those we consider “evil” because in their ignorance they haven’t developed the feeling of goodness and they are indifferent to others’ experiences.

2. 2. Those we consider “good” and have developed conscientiousness and who are frustrated and infuriated with the injustice and drama in the world ignoring the laws of nature.

3. 3. Those whom we consider unperturbed, who comprehend the principles that guide life and don’t enter into conflict with reality. They respect the process of learning for all people and they are willing to share their wisdom at the right time.

There are many people who use morality to justify their actions and their behavior. Morality, however, is little more than a subjective perception of reality, its positive and negative attributes. And morality itself leads people to want to change reality refusing to accept certain things as defacto according to the perfect natural order.

Being unperturbed is a gift which allows you to see good in evil and evil in good by adopting a far more objective and neutral view of life.

We humans are all flawed, of course, and we need courage and determination to face our shortcomings and accept them rather than condemn them. But we don’t realize that it’s our failings that will point us toward the path of personal development. They are the compass that point out our true potential because they indicate that something is lacking in our character. If we look at shortcomings with a sense of guilt because of the prevailing value system or the social milieu, we will become immobilized. We will enter a depressive state of mind which may eventually result in self-destruction.

There are three matters to consider in society:

• · Our personal affairs, i.e., anything that depends on our actions to examine and change it so that we may become happy.

• · The affairs of others: a great deal of our fears, our stress and our disappointments stems from our involvement in other people’s business, thus forgetting to deal with our own. It is important to clear up whose business each affair is so that it may hone our skills in our relationship with ourselves.

• · Reality itself: these are affairs whose change does not depend on our interference whatsoever.

Unfortunately, we live within a socio-economic framework that makes us believe our happiness rests outside ourselves: it is things we can obtain with money, material things, and by impressing others. We often settle for substitutes for happiness, too, like pleasures, comfort, and entertainment. This self-delusion is clearly a lack of honesty towards ourselves. It is far more important to devote our energy on getting to know ourselves than others. We are all trying to interpret a life script written by others and directed to the fulfillment of the expectations of others.

A prerequisite to knowing ourselves is loving ourselves. Christ said, “Love thy neighbor as thyself.” This indicates that one cannot love anyone or be loved unless one has learned to love and accept oneself first.

From this self-knowledge, we learn responsibility. Realizing our mistakes (what we label as mistakes) is the only way to start changing our position and attitude and rectifying it. We must take care not to blame ourselves nor become victim of circumstance because that way we only shake off responsibility again.

Those who know themselves and truly love themselves have learned to be happy and be at peace with others. They love life as it is because they never cease to learn from it.

Spyros Metaxas, Psychiatrist/Psychotherapist

We often hear the expression, “What a smart man!” We grew up in an educational system that exalts and rewards students’ IQ.

So instead of saying how smart that man is, it would be more correct to determine in what area one is smart.

Human intelligence has many facets that are directly affected by biological factors which follow us from birth. Today, science helps us recognize them, but it is up to each one of us to know how to take full advantage of them.

Genetics, as well as our personal experience, and our cultural environment decisively contribute as to which facets of our intelligence will develop and determine our life, and which ones will remain dormant.

Let’s begin from the fact that each human brain is different from the rest. On that premise, we can learn to identify our strong and weak points. Howard Gardner, professor of psychology at Harvard University, discovered the theory of multiple intelligences. Based on this theory, distinct webs of neurons are involved in speech development, in spatial perception, in the development of logic and analytical thought, in musical perception, etc.

The different facets of intelligence interact in a complementary fashion. We usually encourage two or three of these facets, regardless of whether one of them is prevalent in us. All of these are not isolated from one another and we all possess them; in fact, under the proper conditions, some of these facets of our intelligence may actually develop.

It is well known that genetic predisposition affects every aspect of our intelligence to a significant degree. Gardner, however, emphasizes the decisive role that our cultural and educational experience play in the development of each aspect of our intelligence as well as the level at which these may function. The more we train each one of them in a constructive way, the higher the level that particular facet of intelligence will reach.

There are eight different types of intelligence and depending on the particular kind, we have cultivated, it will play a decisive role in our life, on the type of education we will follow, and on the particular profession we will choose.

Great care should be taken that we may not ascribe negative labels on children through our educational system based on their academic achievement because children, by definition, are  continuously evolving. It is important to offer them opportunities, so they may be able to develop those facets in which they are naturally inclined.

There are eight basic types of intelligence commonly recognized:

Logical - Mathematical thought

Verbal - Linguistic

Visual with good spatial awareness

Musical

Bodily - Kinesthetic

Interpersonal

Intrapersonal

Naturalistic- Ecological

For each type of intelligence, I will also mention a few of the corresponding vocations.

In the Logical - Mathematical intelligence belong the engineers, accountants, economists, and those involved in computer science.

In the Verbal - Linguistic intelligence belong comedians, lawyers, journalists, writers, communications specialists.

In the Visual Intelligence, with good spatial awareness, belong graphic artists, architects, city-planning engineers.

In Musical Intelligence belong DJs, orchestra directors, sound engineers.

In Bodily - Kinesthetic belong actors, dancers, surgeons, firefighters.

In Interpersonal Intelligence belong psychologists, managers, nurses, merchants, political party leaders, priests.

In Intrapersonal Intelligence belong artists, philosophers, psychotherapists, psychiatrists, coaches.

In Naturalistic - Ecological intelligence belong forest rangers, zoologists, anthropologists, landscape architects.

It is important to keep in mind that the different types of intelligence evolve with time, experience, and work. By focusing on our natural talents, we can also develop those types of intelligence that are in a dormant state. In this way we can pursue a better, more productive future.

Spyros Metaxas, Psychiatrist/Psychotherapist

Sexuality, so advanced in mammals, is necessary for the perpetuation of their kind and clearly coexists with pleasure to a lesser or greater extent.

From childhood, one fantasizes about moments of sexual content, mainly with the opposite sex, and begins to know his/her body and its needs. This is part of human nature and is directly related to the child’s emotional contact mainly with the mother and with the father to a lesser degree.

Sexual expectations are formed in this way and they vary from individual to individual just like men’s characters and personalities differ. For better or for worse, sexuality is directly influenced by one’s social environment, by preconceptions and beliefs as well as through movies, magazines, and the internet, all of which encourage certain behavioral patterns aiming at a self-centered pleasure. Today, about 1 % of the population among young people don’t feel erotic while they may very well love and care for each other as a couple and many may be in perfect physical health. That does not mean that they abstain completely but rather that auto eroticism is the prevailing feature in their relationships.

In order for sexuality to be satisfactorily expressed the following conditions are a prerequisite:

1. 1. Everyone must know his/her needs and must be able to express that precisely while the other should be able to hear his /her partner’s needs in an atmosphere of mutual acceptance, appreciation, and attachment.
2. 2. There must have preceded the marriage a period of getting to know each other and genuine communication, that is, not saying one thing but meaning or doing another.
3. 3. There should be no power games or control games using sexuality to achieve other ends.
4. 4. Sexuality must be a source of joy and an exchange of intense feelings, where two people become one in an incredibly unique experience rather than producing only a self-serving orgasm.
5. 5. The necessary precautions must be taken with the necessary responsibility of both parties regarding an unwanted pregnancy or the possible transmittance of STDs.

Sexuality that’s connected with love is very good for both the mind and body. Those who are loved and love back enjoy a familiar relationship to such a degree that they are relieved from stress and tension and they decrease the stress on the cardiovascular system. Whereas those who have extramarital affairs increase the chances of cardiac arrest and other cardiovascular problems.

On the other hand, when sexuality is improved for a considerable amount of time, the lifeforce is channeled elsewhere in alternative ways like the emergence of neuroticism, narcissism, perfectionism, and the appearance of migraines, colitis, and muscle spasms.

Many people tend to develop a relationship of dependence and attachment rather than serve a relationship of love from a conscious sense of their freedom. In this case, they must work on their self-esteem through self-analysis.

In other cases, the life force of a relationship may have exhausted itself and that feeling of being in love may be lost. In those cases, it’s not the partner that has to be won all over again, but those facets of the self that used to exist but for some reason no longer do. The reasons for this are usually related to priorities of raising children, professional development, etc. It is sheer illusion to think that one can reclaim that magic of the relationship without searching oneself.

Often, there are thought processes that “imprison” people and avert them from living certain experiences with their partner. For example, they might say, “it would be nice to do this but I don’t have the time,” or “I don’t feel capable of it,” “ I don’t want to feel bad about myself if I fail, “ “I am not worthy of it,” etc.

However, there are also feelings like stress, impatience, and irritability, all instant byproducts of modern life, which act as brake to the experience of sexuality.

There have to be the right conditions and the right atmosphere for sexuality to emerge and the care for that belongs to both sides. It is very important for people to focus on the here and now and let themselves go with the positive feelings that emerge at that moment allowing for no negative influences.

There are two mistakes that should be avoided when it comes to our partner: pressuring them into the intimate act or making them feel guilty if that fails to transpire.

In Greece, 1 in 3 women is not sexually active for long stretches of time while 1 man in 4 substitutes sexuality with his career development or sports.

While sexuality is a “heavenly gift,” in human nature, it is at the same time a challenge as to whether we may use its full potential in the best possible way for the joy of life and that of our relationships.

Spyros Metaxas, Psychiatrist/Psychotherapist

Society is changing at a fast pace and so do couples. In our grandparents’ time, marriage was based on a social agreement, i.e., on mutual caring and with the aim of producing offspring. At the time, dowry agreements and matchmaking were the norm. The wife assumed the responsibility of the household and the children and was subjugated to her husband while the man was responsible for procuring a livelihood for the family, seeing to the education of the children, and guaranteeing the safety of all in the family according to the rules he set. Of course, this necessitated their full implementation unquestionably by the rest of the family members.

In the present day of globalization, however, there has been a weakening of the taboos such as homosexuality, the woman’s older age compared to the man’s in couples, as well as the difference in nationality, color, or religion between the people in the relationship.

The basic element uniting the two people in a marriage these days is love which, inadvertently, makes the conjugal relationship particularly vulnerable. It used to be that the sacrament of marriage was lifelong. Today, however, individual freedom of choice is non-debatable, and therefore the duration of the marriage is anything but predictable.

The new values that determine one’s position in a couple’s relationship are infused by great flexibility which considers that individuals are as different from each other as are the phases in a man’s life.

Our western civilization is characterized by individualism which makes it difficult for people to undertake a more mutual responsibility toward their children. There has to be a spirit of self-sacrifice that is missing in many people nowadays.

About 23.5% of divorces occur after 25 years of married life. The main factor of this is boredom that has settled in the couple. Faced with the fear of committing themselves to a serious relationship, they opt to flee from it rather than to handle confrontational situations daily. Happiness in marriage largely depends to a great extent on how soon peace is restored after a row.

Today’s relationships have become a disposable product rather than a long-lasting commitment because they are viewed as a threat to personal freedom. In our fast-paced life when time is at a premium for all the things we have in mind or desire to do, we do not delve into thought processes such as, “Who am I, Where do I really want to go and for what reason?”

In actuality, separation from a relationship is usually not so simple. There is a serious dilemma as to whether one can go on living life as a couple with all its difficulties or abandoning it no matter what the consequences might be (i.e. loneliness).

At this point, I’d like to point out certain behavioral patterns that make for the better function of a couple:

• We shouldn’t take our partner’s presence for granted. It is necessary to show them how valuable their presence is for us.
• We must be supportive and work with our partner. In a healthy relationship we stand by our partner in times of need, not out of obligation but in a genuine fashion.
• We shouldn’t cast doubts on the relationship itself. A healthy relationship develops only in an atmosphere of security and acceptance.
• There has to be respect of the boundaries between partners. Being “together” does not mean becoming one body. We shouldn’t check the other person’s belongings or rearrange them our way.
• We must not set limits to or curtail the independence and autonomy of the other. It is very important to recognize the other person’s choices whether they pertain to their professional development or friendships.
• We have to have the time and willingness to listen to each other in earnest. Many couples talk very little and only regarding the absolutely necessary topics because if they open up a genuine dialogue, it will escalate to an argument.

The question was asked to the men of three generations of a Greek family: “Why do people get married?”

The eighty-five-year-old grandfather answered this way: “Well, this is man’s destiny.” His fifty-seven-year-old son said this: “So that people have children, raise them and educate them in order to make them useful members of society.” The twenty-five-year-old said the following: Marriage and children can’t be the basic aim for man today. What is important is that man develops a good relationship with his partner which will be based on equality, sincerity, and understanding. “

It is in these words that I hope and believe some people will find the help they need in order to understand where human relationships stand today, so that they may take them a step further with faith in themselves and love for their fellow man.

Spyros Metaxas, Psychiatrist/Psychotherapist

Nietzsche associates the quote “What does not kill me, makes me stronger” with the idea that a tree, having suffered harsh storms and having plunged its roots all the deeper into the earth, grows taller and becomes stronger.

Nietzsche associates the quote “What does not kill me, makes me stronger” with the idea that a tree, having suffered harsh storms and having plunged its roots all the deeper into the earth, grows taller and becomes stronger.

Nietzsche, through his motto “Become what you are”, encourages us to avoid an unbearable life. He urges us to realize ourselves, to make use of our capabilities, and to live our lives with boldness and to the fullest extent.

Nietzsche, through his motto “Become what you are”, encourages us to avoid an unbearable life. He urges us to realize ourselves, to make use of our capabilities, and to live our lives with boldness and to the fullest extent.

In the social jungle of human existence, nobody can feel alive if they have no sense of identity.

Erik H. Erikson: Identity, youth and crisis.

In the social jungle of human existence, nobody can feel alive if they have no sense of identity.

Erik H. Erikson: Identity, youth and crisis.